The Grieving Process
by allihavetodoisfall
Summary: Post-Hollow Men and 3X12 AU. Magnus and her team have been revived and are back. Druitt was killed, and Tesla wants in. There was so much more she wanted to say to him. Follows Helen as she tries to get over John's death. Multiple pairings. Please review!


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Sanctuary. Though I would certinaly like to!

Notes/summary: Post-Hollow Men and 3X12 AU. Magnus and her team have been revived and are topside. Druitt was killed, and Tesla wants in. There was so much more she wanted to say to him. Follows Helen as she tries to get over John's death. Multiple pairings, including: Helen/John, Helen/Nikola, Kate/Henry, and Will/Abby.

I know, I have two other incomplete fics on this series, but I couldn't resist! So with Sanctuary withdrawal killing me, I had to write my own little spinoff. I have no idea where this is going, to be honest. Probably seven-plus chapters. FYI, written by a shipper.

Reviews of any kind are welcome!

* * *

Consciousness, which had eluded her for so long, finally came to Helen Magnus.

She opened her eyes, not without a struggle. The lights were thankfully dimmed. An IV was in her arm; she pulled it out, seeing as the bag was empty anyway.

_Wait. _She recognized the ceiling. She was back in the Sanctuary. They weren't in Praxis any longer. How had she gotten out? Had she even left?

A dull ache seeped into her body, accompanied by a faint burning smell. She recognized it as a side effect of electrocution (having helped Nikola with one too many experiments).

Bigfoot blocked her vision of the ceiling.

"Magnus. You're awake."

"What happened?" had the entire hollow earth been an extremely real dream?

"Tesla and Mr. Macrae's team went into hollow earth and revived you and the others."

"Are they alright?" she asked, referring to her companions.

"They're in separate sanctuaries. Not enough minerals in any one sanctuary. Found that was the only way to bring you back permanently. Henry's already woken up."

She sighed in relief. "That's good."

Helen swung her legs down to the floor, feeling relieved when balance remained. Bigfoot looked on with concern.

"What about Tesla and…John?" they couldn't be dead; neither of them.

"John teleported to somewhere in hollow earth after your signal was lost. He brought Adam along, but…Magnus."

"What happened?" she asked again.

"Adam sent his minions to kill him. And succeeded."

Oh _no_. No.

An icy tingle shot down her spine.

"He's dead?" her voice cracked.

"Yes. Declan and Tesla brought back his body." "Are they alright?" she switched topics abruptly. "I'm _fine_." She added, seeing his glare.

"Macrae is fine. Tesla collapsed yesterday. He's got a fever. Overwork. Guh!" Bigfoot said gently. "He's been sleeping ever since."

"Where is he?" she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"His room."

She smiled. "Thank you, old friend."

Bigfoot shook his head. "Should I call the UK Sanctuary and tell Henry?"

"Yes please. Tell him I'll be right back after consoling Nikola."

Every step felt like a miracle. She was _alive. _So were Henry and Will and Kate –

But John wasn't. The thought gnawed at her heart. She and Nikola really were the last of the Five now. Her last sort-of physical reminder of Ashley was gone. _He_, with all his insanity was gone.

The words had punched an irreparable hole in her body, leaving nothing where her heart should have been. But somehow she made her way to Tesla's room.

She knocked on Nikola's door, expecting no response and getting none. Opening the door quietly, she realized she had begun crying again and hadn't even noticed until now.

"Nikola?"

At the sound of her voice his eyes fluttered open. "Helen?"

She didn't want to describe him, because to her mind it would be too painful. So she simply stuck with sick._ Very_ sick.

She sat on his bed, on top of several layers of blankets.

"You're crying. Do I look that hideous?" a grin graced his features.

"Course not. I heard what happened." About everything. About _John._

"Which part?" his eyes unfocused for a second, glancing to the ceiling before darting back to her. "The part where I revived you all? Or the part where Declan found-"

"Don't say it Nikola. Please." She hastily wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Okay. But do I at least get a kiss for saving all your lives?"The part of her which loved Nikola appreciated the changing of the subject, but the bigger, more painful part of her screamed betrayal.

She smiled just a little and leaned over to peck his lips. "Thank you Nikola."

He closed his eyes. "Welcome. Feeling alive?"

"Yes. You?"

"I wish."

"What happened to you?" she took in the layers of blankets, his sickly face and faint voice.

"Reviving people is not as easy when you're mortal. Neither is figuring out a way to keep you alive and replace the nutrients in your body." He muttered seemingly to himself.

"You stayed up for how long?"

"I can't remember. A few days?" his eyelids fluttered.

"Nikola!"

"Would you rather be dead?" instead of sounding angry, as it was probably intended, he sounded half-asleep.

"No. I'm sorry Nikola. I'll leave you to get some rest." She stood, prepared to have a long talk with Henry.

"Stay. Please?"

"You need rest." And she just wanted to be alone.

"I promise I'll sleep. And you do too." He grinned. "I'm a bit too weak to make a move on you right now Helen, though I dearly would like to. You look beautiful, by the way."

It took only a moment for her resolve to break. He _had _saved all their lives after all. And even if that wasn't enough, she wasn't in any condition to talk to Henry after Big Guy had broken the news to her.

She walked over to the other side of the bed and lay down beside him. She could hear his breathing faintly. His eyes had closed; fallen asleep again, most likely.

She lay next to him, recalling the last time she had fallen asleep with another man. That man had been John. He had been sick.

The memory brought fresh tears to her eyes. She stifled a sob; hoping it wouldn't wake up Nikola. If she had just left him alone, maybe he would still be alive. Maybe he would have come back on his own. Maybe…maybe things could have been different.

She felt raw, as she had when Ashley died; like her insides had been cleansed with bleach. A lump formed in her throat, effectively stemming any more sobs.

She reached out a hand to gently touch his shirt. She blinked as John opened his eyes to look into hers.

"John?" she choked out, hardly believing her own eyes.

"I'm right here." His voice was soft, as it had been in Oxford. Before the electrical abnormal had possessed him.

Helen grasped his shirtfront. "Promise you won't leave again."

He sighed. "I can never do that."

"_Promise!_" she shouted, tears streaming from her eyes. Why couldn't she stop crying? "Don't leave me again!"

He sat up, pulling her towards him. His hands felt cool against her hot skin.

"I promise to love you Helen, for all eternity."

"That's not enough." She sobbed into his chest, wetting his shirt with salty water.

He kissed her forehead. "It is. Goodnight Helen."

"No…"

Helen found herself lying on Nikola, his fevered body burning against hers. She could hear his rasping breathing. She rolled away from him; causing her back to burn in protest and a gasp to emerge from her mouth. He twitched but did not otherwise react.

Quietly, she slipped out of the bed and walked out the room.

Reviews of any kind are welcome! I want to know where you want this to go! (I can't believe I made a rhyme).


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